New Year

I am completely and totally in love with a man who is my absolute everything, besides Aubs of course! He is absolutely amazing, and I am grateful to have this love in my life. Sitting here thinking about him makes my heart flutter, my palms sweat, my smile grow. :) I love you so much! My favorite part of my day is when we just have to time to talk, although with children it is absolutely difficult to have any time for yourself let alone any one else. I always miss him, I wish we could be together more, but things get in the way.

^I thought I would mention that, before I got into other things :-P

First one of the new year! Sorry, I have been seriously slacking! I have been losing more and more weight, obviously not super fast like I wanted to, because I have yet to commit to a program. (I NEED TO!) So as the new year is year, I want a new me as well. This is the year where I get back to my goal weight and a healthier me. I hope to finally commit to school as well, I feel like I am hurting myself by not going and getting it finished. I need an education to get anywhere and I am not sure why I keep brushing it off. I hope this is the year to make it happen. I have many goals that people would say are a long shot, but I want to reach for the stars, and bring them BACK! Yes, that's right I am so motivated to do this not only to please myself, but to make my daughter proud of me! I am young, and I am super happy with having my precious daughter, but I have put off my education long enough. It is time! Who's with me?!?!?!

Okay, I am a slacker, it has been a little bit since I have blogged. I am working out still, eating as well as I can, and still seeing the results.. I need a new scale though, I guess I have to go out and buy one so I can keep up on my results. Andrew and I didn't get to start our new program today, I was busy busy busy. Hopefully we get to start it tomorrow! I am so ready to keep seeing the results, and I will feel so good again.

My poor little pumpkin has been sick and I feel helpless, not sure what I can do for her, but just love her. Yesterday, I stayed home from work so I could take her to the doctor and take care of her, although I felt better taking care of her, I felt guilty about not going into work. I don't know why I care so much about what other people think, I guess I like to be liked... not like anyone listens to me, but again that is my own fault. I need to start voicing my opinions and stick up for myself. I mean really, I am a grown adult, I have a child I need to show her strength. Even when I do say something, it gets brushed off. Whether it be my friends, my coworkers, boss, family, I just feel like people don't listen to what I am really saying. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, I do have some really great people who care and who get me, but other than those few I am a complete door mat and anyone would tell you that.

I guess that's why I come here, I can say what I want and no one can interrupt me, or tell me to stop. I like it. Today is actually a good day for my mood, I feel good. I just wanted to get out what I have been thinking about. I am so pumped that I am working to better myself, and I feel blessed to have the support of my coaches. I'm deliriously tired so this is really starting to not make any sense, I think it is time for me to turn in. :)

Late night

Today has been an okay day, Andrew and I spent it cleaning, and enjoying time as a family. It was so nice for it just to be us for a little while :). Unfortunately, my darling daughter is still sick and it's only getting worse. I feel bad that there is nothing that I can do for her. I just made a midnight run to Wal-Mart to get a humidifier and whatever else I could get my hands on. I absolutely love going at night to shop because there are no people and I can get what I want to get, then get out. The only bummer of doing a late run for medicines is that I had no one to consult me on what I was buying :(. Oh well, hopefully whatever I bought is going to help her. I have gotten her to sleep once again and I am hoping that this time she will stay asleep with the humidifier in there. Once I feel like she is alright, I will eventually go to sleep. I hate staying up so late, because it ruins my mornings, but I just couldn't go to sleep knowing she wasn't feeling well/ sleeping well. I don't have anyone to talk to either, guess I need to make some friends that are night owls or people in different time zones (haha).

The weekend is over and I go back to work in the afternoon, let's hope this week starts off well and I don't have too many problems. I would love for just one day of the pharmacy running smoothly, no bitching/complaining, and a steady flow of customers. There is nothing like having some work to do at work (haha). I don't see any of that happening tomorrow or the rest of the week at all, unfortunately.

We did great on our paleo diet, it feels good to be able to do something and feel great about it. I am hoping that this is what I need to get what I want. I hope that I will start to lose weight more steadily, and maintain a good attitude.

Now that it has taken forever to type this short little blog, I am assuming I will pass out very soon. :) I come here for some complaining and releasing some of my mood :). I appreciate those who read, and those who care. I have no insights, and this isn't what this is for, I really enjoy expressing myself, and I could care less if anyone reads it. I know that sometimes it can be a little much, but this is more of a release for me. While, I do have a personal journal where I can really express myself fully, there is something about putting it out there that is interesting to me. Anyway, I really should go to bed now if I am going to salvage any kind of sleep that I am going to be getting tonight.

03 December 2011

Yesterday, I did not have too much time to blog, but the day was odd from the beginning. Of course I had work, thankfully an earlier shift :) Working away, I spotted my favorite customer, so I walk over because of course he asked for me. I was horrified to find out he was leaving his wife, because of his own private reasons. He said that now that she was out of the picture he could speak to who ever he pleases. He repeated himself over and over. He finally asked if I would go to a renaissance festival with him. He said well if you have a boyfriend or whatever, he can come, too. Hmmm, it was a semi long conversation, he eventually said, "I'm not hitting on you." It was very uncomfortable for me and extremely upsetting, because what a joy he was before will be someone I will avoid now.

Later in the day, about an hour before I was about to get off, another customer whom I had never seen before came to buy, what else, Sudafed. He looked late 30's early 40's, and starts making small talk, well that happens every day... UNTIL he was asking how I was doing, naturally I mention that I am doing great because I'm getting off in an hour! He then says, "you sure are pretty".. really dude? I am polite and say, "thanks".. and blah blah blah.. so he gets to "signing out" the Sudafed and he hit the accept button, but not hard enough so I ask him to hit it a little harder. He replies, " I just like to take it soft and gently if you know what I mean"...At this point I'm sure my face was extremely red, because I don't like confrontation so I don't say what I am really feeling. Anyway, he starts to leave..making gross faces the entire time and says, "I'll be back in an hour"...WHAAAAA? Naturally, my neurotic self goes crazy (haha). I am immediately freaked out and not wanting to leave. During this whole process I look for anyone to come over and save me, unfortunately for me we were getting busy at that point and my rescue wasn't happening. So we noticed that he walked back and forth a few times, but I didn't seem him again, THANK GOODNESS!

Mike and Ashley were here for a few days and I think we had a great time! They left this afternoon and will hopefully be getting back to Virginia in a couple of hours! It was so nice to see Mike, we haven't seen him in what seems like forever so it was great! We met Ashley, his girlfriend for the first time, she was absolutely hilarious! We had a great time together, but it was just too short. Next time we hope to get together for a longer time.

I am now on day three of the medicine the doctor prescribed me and I feel totally cloudy, but I guess I am still just getting used to it. I am hoping that by changing it from morning to night I will get the sleep that I have been so desperate for. I think that I have had a good couple of days. I have been neutral in my mood and hopefully it will stay that way. I unfortunately blew my paleo, but I am going to start fresh tomorrow and Andrew is joining me which is nice.

01 December 2011

Today was a big roller coaster for me, very high downs and some super highs. I was emotional, angry, sad, happy, and numb all in one today. I got some news that I really wasn't expecting and didn't want to admit, but life goes on. My doctor tells me that it's the first step to moving forward. I had an appointment this morning with him and he's setting me up with a nutritionist even though I really want to do Paleo and have successfully done so today, he does not want me to go through with it. I suppose I will have to see what the nutritionist has for suggestions. At this point I will try whatever I can (of course healthy) to lose the weight I need to and to feel better.

After the doctor, I got to come home with my sick baby and try to calm her enough to sleep, of course it was impossible. She woke up this morning with an extremely stuffed nose and labored breathing. The first thing I do is to try to get everything out to get her uncomfortable. She was absolutely miserable all day and I felt nothing but sympathy for my pathetic child. :( I feel her pain, and it only multiplies. Of course, I understand she will be completely fine in a couple of days, but I don't like her being so sick/upset.

I think the doctor appointment ruined my day for me, put me in a terrible mood, and I had definitely shown it to everyone around me. I tried to smirk or smile, but it just wasn't happening. I know that these blogs are up and down, but I think in the next few weeks people will notice I will be more consistent. I was feeling awful all day until I got to go home, early no less from work :). My mood was instantly lifted when I had seen a long time friend in my kitchen and gave me a big hug! I know that Andrew was super excited to see his best friend from so long ago and that just made me so happy. Mike came to visit with his girlfriend whom I like(which is a plus since they will be here for a couple of days). It is so unbelievably nice to see a friendly and familiar face. I do have friends here, friends who I love very much, but there's something about a little piece of home that just completes me. Even if it for only a couple of days. :)

30 November 2011

Today was a good day, not exactly sure why I was just in a great mood! A very very very good friend of ours will be here tomorrow afternoon and I am so extremely excited for myself, but mostly for my husband. They have been friends forever and haven't gotten to see each other in a long while. It is so nice to be able to see a familiar from back home.

Tomorrow also starts our Paleo Challenge, not many people have committed, however at this point I can only focus on myself and my weight loss goals. I am feeling so much better, and I feel like I look better, too!

This month is Christmas, and I am so excited. We are in our new house and all I can think is that it will be absolutely perfect! Yes, I will have my down days, but doesn't everyone? At least I do not complain every single day about the same exact thing. I hear some people complain and complain about the same thing over and over! It is so frustrating to see how miserable people are and they do not do ANYTHING to fix it! To those people I say, live life! Be grateful for what you have, don't be upset for the things you don't have.

Work was pretty slow tonight, but I actually had a nice conversation with the pharmacist working, it's nice to talk to someone and they talk back.(haha) Tomorrow( or I should say today) I have an appointment at 0745 and then another at 1330. I am supposed to be to work at 1400 so hopefully I won't be late to work. Tomorrow is also the first of the month so we should be busy or at least steady at work.

29Nov2011

TODAY HAS BEEN THE LONGEST DAY EVER!! My feet are killing me, my head is pounding, my eyes are strained(ugh)! I feel like people walk all over me and this is far as I get to stick up for myself, yes that's right not at all! It's not fair that I let people just step on me and crush, crush, CRUSH me! I hope at some point I can grow some metaphoric balls and open my mouth when someone puts me down or belittles me.

Work was absolutely crazy today, and although I didn't get the shift I really wanted, I got in a few more hours I wouldn't have otherwise(which means more money!! $$$) I really do not want to complain here, I love my customers, I like what I do, but some of the people I work with just don't try and it's super frustrating. I guess for me, if you have a job it doesn't matter what it is, it's your job, just freaking do it. Just work! It makes sense to me to go to work and WORK, maybe it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

My mind is all over the place right now, I am not sure where my head is at really, but I hope at some point I can focus on one thing and COMPLETE something for just ONCE! I thought that having everything I wanted would make me the happiest girl in the world, and it does, but I feel like there is still something missing. I guess all the fighting between Andrew and I. I think that we just grew up a little too quickly, but we do have a great life. I realized today that the fighting needs to quit, so Andrew and I are going on a DATE an actual date. I think it has to be all of the time we are not spending with each other. We both get frustrated that we cannot spend time together and inevitably take it out on each other. This is the first week in a long while that Andrew has been on days again. We get to spend a little more time together now, but absolutely no alone time. I'm hoping this date night will be what we really needed to get back where we used to be.

Hmm, I think I've done exactly what I didn't want this for, but it works and even though I can't say everything I am feeling I said enough. I guess it would be inappropriate to have EVERYTHING on here for the world to see, but I guess if you want to know that badly you'd ask. ;)